Just got back from this movie about an older woman (Kim Basinger) who is kidnapped and dials out to a stranger’s cell phone for help. Tonight my wife and I wanted to catch an action movie that didn’t require too much thinking. With a good title and promising previews, we chose Cellular, and ironically it turned out that thinking too hard would only ruin the viewing experience.

- Cellular (2004) -
Official website: http://www.cellularthemovie.com/
IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0337921/

Main Cast:
Jessica - Kim Basinger
Ryan - Chris Evans
Chad - Eric Christian Olsen
Mooney - William H. Macy

Directed by David Ellis (Final Destination 2) based on a story by Larry Cohen (Phone Booth) screenplay written by Chris Morgan. I found it somewhat interesting that they’d try to make two movies with phones as a key plot element but Phone Booth turns out to be a much better movie than Cellular.

It all begins with young, buff stud protagonist, Ryan (played by newcomer Chris Evans) trying to tell his hot ex-girlfriend how much he has changed and that she should please take him back. She gives him a list of errands to do to make it up to her and on his way to do the first of them he gets a call on his cell phone from a frantic, scared and kidnapped Jessica.

Unsurprisingly she manages to convince Ryan that it’s not a prank call and that he absolutely cannot hang up the phone.  And then she convinces him to give the phone to a policeman. He drives to the police office and offers the one policeman just about to retire working the desk, Mooney (William H. Macy) the phone. Mooney takes some interest, but then a fight with a bunch of arrested criminals breaks out in the lobby and he must attend to that instead. Mooney tells Ryan to take the matter upstairs, literally. Later, Mooney shows some interest in following up on the case which eventually makes him much more significant in the plot.

Ryan goes upstairs, but then starts to lose the cell signal so he stops just shy of the place he needs to reach? He screams for help a few times but of course nobody hears him and comes to aid. Please. Twenty minutes later Ryan is going up a different stairwell without any concern over loss of cell signal! It’s moments like these that make you go: he didn’t just do that, did he? The movie contradicts its own plot boundaries.

As far as acting goes, Chris Evans is on par with leading men most-films-are-bombs guys like Ben Affleck and the ladies will probably get goggly over him shirtless and tatted up. The guys will likely enjoy his eye candy girlfriend who seems to only be there to get in the way later in the movie and serve no other really useful purpose. Why don’t ever find out what happens between these two troubled lovebirds? Why show a couple with relationship trouble and then never tell the viewers what happens to them? Also, there is Ryan’s friend who is there seemingly just to be comic relief in the beginning of the movie. He is not utilyzed much beyond the opening scenes.

Kim Basinger didn’t ring much compassion from this viewer and some of her technical skills seemed way out of character. I kept thinking of her in better roles and that was there to pick up a paycheck and little more. She spends most of the role with watery, mascara-run eyes and in desparation uttering too many unconvincing lines.

Cellular should have been preceded by an episode of Ripley’s Believe it or Not. Here’s some more thoughts and observations on the movie:

- I think they had too many “I’m here to threaten, Jessica” scenes. These kidnappers aren’t that smart … they have way too many opportuniies to kill Jessica and chose instead to keep on threatening her even after they should have determined that she couldn’t help them any more. It’s like if you don’t do what we want, Jessica then this time, really, we are going to kill you. Or your son … or your husband and your son. Really. Really, we mean it. We really, really mean it.
- in one scene we see a light on the phone downstairs less than two feet from one of Jessica’s captor’s eyes. Doesn’t her captor ever see this light on through the other 45+ minutes of time Jessica is talking to Ryan?
- in a struggle with one of her captors, Jessica displays an uncanny amount of medical knowledge for somebody who works at the bank. Where did Jessica learn so much about human anatomy? (I believe there was some very quick explanation uttered by her, but I didn’t quite catch what it was).
- why is Jessica’s husband such a wimp? He has only one moment where he really fights back … the rest of the time he’s getting his butt kicked.
- when Ryan is running low on his cell phone battery he goes to implausible extremes to get a charger from the store, but it does provide a couple cheap laughs.
- William H. Macy is a very good actor and makes the best of what is a mostly preposterous script. Thank goodness he was cast in this movie!
- The lawyer who wants to sue everybody (complete with a license that says something like: sue you 2) has some really funny lines (played by Rick Hoffman). He gets his snazzy blue Porsche stolen by Ryan, only to have it impounded, and then he goes to get it out and it’s stolen by Ryan yet again. I will echo the comments from another epinions review of this movie that I’d like to see this guy in more fuller roles than a funny stereotype bystander.

Overall Cellular makes for a barely passable action popcorn movie. The sounds are decent and the camera work is merely competent but nothing just stands out. I felt the movie was a silly, completely unbelievable, action flick (instead of a serious action drama like Diehard with some comedic moments, as was intended) and when I left the theater and started thinking about it to write this review, the experience overall was mediocre. It was, however, much better than talking to a phone solicitor. Grade: C-

Will George Lucas ever stop tinkering with Star Wars? Upon the heels of rumours that there might be an additional three Star Wars (part 7-9), comes this eternal Slashot question that perhaps not even the venerable but wise Yoda could answer.

Reader spoco2 writes “The Star Wars Original Trilogy is due for worldwide release on the 21st on DVD, but the first reviews are appearing already in Australia (obviously of the PAL version). Yes, they are the SEs with even more differences (Now Gredo and Han shoot at the SAME time!). I’m afraid I’ll be waiting for the day when George reconsiders and releases the untouched originals.”

I found this coverage of the Gredo / Han Solo / Cantina scene rather humorous. C’mon Star Wars geeks, get over it! It’s just a freaking movie. I understand being a fan and wanting the original, but there’s always eBay and the laserdisc set or just boycotting the DVD release by not buying it. Me, personally, I’ll buy the DVD set with or without the Gredo / Han Solo scene edit just for our collection. Maybe this is all just a marketing thing anyway and one of the secret goodies on the disc will be the original films, untouched. Hmm.

If this really comes to pass, this could get me really interested in Netflix. Newsweek is reporting that an anonymous source close to the talks between Netflix and TiVO has them putting together a system that would allow TiVO subscribers to download Netflix movies to their TiVO players.

Such a service would require subscriptions to both Netflix and TiVo, as well as a broadband Internet connection. TiVo’s current service allows the recording of broadcast TV programs, while Netflix delivers its DVDs through the mail.

That would be really cool to be able to not have to go through the whole mail back the movie waiting game that comes with Netflix.

Tomorrow (Tuesday 8/31/04) Paramount is finally releasing Star Trek the original series on DVD — the entire 29 episode first season. The second season is planned to be released in November and the final 3rd season on December 14. I bet those Trekkies who were in the VHS club and paying $10-$20 per episode are going to be happy to learn that each season is going to run the same price as STNG ($100 USD). $300 to capture the entire original Star Trek? Beam me up, Scotty!

JJ Abrams, director of the thrilling spy series Alias starring sexy up and coming star Jennifer Gardner met with Tom Cruise to discuss a possible director job for the next Mission Impossible sequel (#3). theage:

“I had a meeting with Mr Cruise and I gave him the (first and second season) Alias DVDs. He’d never seen the show, and I thought, you know, ‘He’ll never watch it’,” Abrams said. “I got a call a couple of months later and he had watched every episode.”

It sounds like Abrams sees this as a real boost, but coming into direct a sequel of any movie I’m not sure is all it’s cracked up to be. I have a hard time thinking of any sequels that were up to the quality of the original. Good luck to him, I like Alias and I enjoyed the first Mission Impossible. I thought MI-2 was a bit too over the top.

Put me in the group that has luke warm interest in seeing a 70 year old Han Solo along with three more Star Wars sequels. I’ve heard where Lucas said that the original idea was a 9-part series, but after the backlash from going back to part 1, 2 and 3 I’m thinking he should put a bullet in it. But … the Guardian is reporting otherwise:

A user at fansite TheForce.net, who claimed to be a Lucasfilm insider, said that staff at Industrial Light & Magic have already signed non-disclosure agreements pertaining to special effects work on three sequels, which would follow on from Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.

If any of this rumour comes to fruition then I’m wondering why Lucas ever did part 1, 2, 3 which at least the first two parts have been met with disdain from so many of the Star Wars geeks from part 4, 5 and 6. Let me guess, Yoda dies in part 7, 8, or 9? Is Chewbacca really Luke’s father (a Simpson’s reference)? (removed because some people in the comments think I’m serious! I’m joking!) George Lucas needs to shoot this thing before it becomes Naked Gun vs. Star Wars. This gamble could turn into a real tragic franchise or a stroke of brilliance.

Just got back from the theater viewing of Alien vs. Predator (AVP) with my 14 year old son and here are my quick thoughts, impressions and review:

- I think I know the magic formula for not getting an R rating: keep the f-bombs and other adult language down, don’t show a lot of red blood and little to no sin or skin (nudity). Well, AVP shows a lot of green alien blood but it doesn’t spill much red human blood — visibly anyway and there is no nudity (sorry all you horror boobie buffs) or sex. In fact, there’s really no romance at all … save for a bit of hunter respect (I won’t spoil that part).
- AVP has some very cool fight scenes. Better than Freddy vs. Jason. You really want to see Predator kick some Alien butt because the Predators seem so completely outnumbered.
- the sounds in the movie are great with snarling and screaming bouncing off the walls. Great use of surround sound experience.
- Predator actually has a heart … well, the heart of a warrior. You wouldn’t have expected any compassion in these creatures from seeing the first two Predator movies.
- never get stuck in the middle of a 100 year old war between aliens and predators! Never, never, never.
- Was that Weyland Industries dude constantly smoking pot for his cancer(?) condition or what was he doing? (asthma inhaler?) He is spared by the Predator for his weakness and then he gets killed anyway with the ultra lamest line in the movie: “Don’t you turn your back on me!” Yeah … smart.
- this movie isn’t really a horror movie as it is more of a WWF-style action movie; another good reason it wasn’t rated R, I guess. This is further example of Hollywood fascination from the comic book to movie translations.
- there is little to no humor in this movie which may turn off a lot of viewers. Some spots in the plot, particularly the first 45 minutes start to drag. It’s like: get to the good stuff. Freddy vs. Jason suffered from these same story action continuity issues.
- never steal the bad guys weapons … and be sure to train your team how to use a Rubix cube or navigate a maze.
- of course there is a wide opening for a future AVP sequel at the end of the movie. That’s all part of the Hollywood machine.
- I sure hope they don’t make 10 of these movies because it is doubtful that it could look up from here.
- When I was a kid this movie would have been rated R. Boy, how times have changed.

Overall I actually did like this movie. It wasn’t fantastic and it didn’t suck. Perhaps a tiny bit better than Freddy vs. Jason but I’m going to stick with the same grade. I took away points for the slow plot, lack of humor and the fact that there really wasn’t any likeable characters (save for one of the creatures, perhaps). I definitely would like to see some other badass matchups. How about Jason vs. Predator or Freddy vs. Aliens or perhaps a tag team of Jason and Freddy against the Alien and Predator. And then there’s the whole superhero crossovers with: spiderman vs. Hulk, X-Men vs. Aliens … and so on. It’s kind of like the 2004 version of Godzilla vs. ___ yet without the weird subtitling and not set in Japan. This could spawn a whole new trend of movies. Perhaps with the release of Jason vs. Freddy these new vs. movies have already begun. Grade: B-

Our 11 yr old says of this short, creative film: “Cool. Legos!” Spite Your Face Productions:

Spider-Man: The Peril of Doc Ock. is the exciting new animated short from Spite Your Face Productions Ltd, commisioned by Sony Pictures/Marvel Studios/The Lego Group to accompany the release of Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 2.

Note: this is my review contributed over at epinions on I, Robot, which we saw today (we’re still on vacation, BTW). This has some spoilers for the movie, so please be forewarned.

From the transparent, gratuitous opening shower and pumping iron scenes, Detective Spooner (Will Smith) is showing off for the ladies in what we all know will fundamentally be another robots gone bad movie.

All the trailers and secrecy in the world can’t shroud the obvious facts that this is a plotline seen so many times in film history that there just has to be something fresh to make it come off well. I was hopeful, as I’m sure other Asimov fans will be too and that is the slant for this review.

Apparently the screenwriters — credited to Jeff Vintar, titling and inspiration paying homage to Isaac Asimov, but reworked by others — were all too fascinated with Robin Williams gripping human robot portrayal in Bicentennial Man and Arnold Schwarznegger in Terminator and have tried — and failed — to faithfully reproduce either the humanity, drama and/or interest in either of those storylines. Instead, viewers are left with a somewhat shallow, robot-hating protagonist (Smith) running around in a cliched plotline that has more holes in it than a gopher-infested backyard.

They do get the action stuff right though. Well, sort of.

Somewhere the late, great Isaac Asimov is muttering uncontrollably over the butchering of his penned famous Three Laws of Robotics. The gist of these Laws is that robots will be manufactured with their positronic brains being forced to adhere to these Laws. It will be a part of the chip and made so that it cannot be reprogrammed. But I, Robot shows absolutely zero respect for these Laws or to Asimov’s vision of their implementation.

According to I, Robot plot logic (er, illogic) there is a way to get around this with — say it isn’t so — programming? Asimov postulated that the Laws would be enforced through hardware and yet I, Robot talks about a daily computer uplink — which turns the blue robots chests to red and calls home to the mother brain — as being the ticket for Viki, the super brain, to reprogram the bots to do its bidding. Hardware being reprogrammed? Ok, ok, so maybe it’s some super futuristic flash ROM type memory, but tech geeks immediately are going to be doubtful of the technology angle and that any serious robot makers in the present or future would ever allow entire reprogramming through a daily — and quite hackable — network uplink. Doh!

So the writers have provided an all too convenient and totally contrived plot device for getting around these Laws which goes against everything that Asimov preached in his writings and beliefs about how robots could safely and usefully be introduced into society.

Could things go wrong even with these Laws implemented with Asimov’s vision? Sure, that’s what his great stories were all about (go read them if you haven’t), but this foundation is almost entirely missing from the movie which bears the same title. In my opinion, that’s a travesty.

I’m absolutely certain that Mr. Asimov were he still alive would be at the very least disappointed that his name, and book title were used like a kitty litter box. He was all about responsible science and I, Robot is all about popcorn thrills and how we should all fear the coming of the bots. Please. There were so many other stories that could have been written that viewers didn’t need this hackneyed action flick exercise for the zillionth viewing.

Hollywood has been going downhill in the summer blockbuster department for awhile, opting for fancy, expensive CGI effects as opposed to skilled acting and writing. When and if the day comes that the movie studios get hurt in the wallet over this practice, moviegoers will not have to suffer through these cool special effects with subpar acting and anemic plotlines.

On the positive side these special effects are addictive, and I’d be not forthcoming if I said I didn’t enjoy them. The robots look very intriguing with a special calming blue-white metallic design that is very much like the suits from Tron and yet when the bots need to be menacing they deliver with that eerie red glow chest plate. Nice effect!

I honestly thought from the trailers of I, Robot that this would be a really cool movie that was more faithful to the outstanding Asimov stories, but I was totally wrong: it’s really just another poorly realized science fiction summer blockbuster vehicle for a typed Will Smith. Seen Men In Black or its sequel? Then you’ve seen Will Smith acting already. Consider I, Robot sort of an unofficial third sequel. The names and dialogue are different but the character is the same.

And what about the acting?

Missing is any chemistry with another actor like with Men in Black there was the gruff, but brilliant Tommy Lee Jones, but here is only the limp skilled scientist Susan Calvin (Bridget Moynahan) too often muddling through her lines as emotionlessly as reading off cue cards.

Seen Terminator or any of its sequels (particular T2)? Been there done that.

James Cromwell posthumously provides some skilled acting as Dr. Alfred Lanning, but there just isn’t enough of him. The devices used to insert him into the story are clever, but serve as one-way communication to the audience. Will Smith just seems lost through most of the movie, searching for somebody to passionately interact with before the credits roll.

I found myself just not caring all that much about the protagonist or any of the characters (including humanity) despite the well intentioned but failed attempt to provide backstory for why Detective Spooner is a robophobe.

So what’s to actually like about this movie? The sound effects are effective and the scoring is well done. The timing of the sounds and suspense are good. The action scenes are engaging and what viewers will expect from a summer blockbuster. The fight scenes are especially cool but again just way too unrealistic. This all adds up to three stars at least to me, but I knocked off one star because of so many moments where the plausibility was strained.

For example, one scene has Detective Spooner incredibly fighting off hordes of robots while driving 125 MPH and then spinning inside his car fast enough to make a seasoned astronaut puke. Time and again, I said to myself: never happen. Sure, most movies can never happen, that’s the point: escape reality and have fun, but stretch plausibility too much and it ruins the experience. That’s the coup de grace with I, Robot.

Bottom line: if you are/were a fan or purist of Asimov’s stories and/or expecting something faitful to the stories then forget it. If you are looking for something fun and aren’t concerned about plausibility and/or have never even read the Asimov stories, then you might wait for it on DVD or catch the matinee. The theater we went to was barely a quarter-full as opposed to Spiderman 2 on opening day being completely full.

As a self-admitted geek, I was positronically disappointed. Grade: D

I can’t wait to see this movie! We’re going to hit it while on vacation … I wonder how many other spidey fans have seen this multiple times already? paktribune.com:

It looks as though Spider-Man has caught another box-office record in his web.Unofficial estimates put the gross for “Spider-Man 2″ in the $150 million to $155 million range since the film opened last Wednesday, which would shatter the record for best Wednesday-Sunday opening set in May by “Shrek 2″ with $129 million.

The whole Doc Ock as a villain things looks very cool from the previews. I’ve tried to stay away from reading any reviews and thus having the movie spoiled, but I have seen that Rotten Tomatoes is giving it high “fresh” marks.