I chuckled over this short Kiss video cartoon which pokes fun at them being sellouts. The Yahoo site is moving painfully slow for me right now, so you might want to give that link a little time, or hit smash.yahoo.com and try to get in from there.

Sure, I’ll admit it: I like several Kiss songs. I was never much for their whole makeup scene, didn’t care that they were unmasked, hated most of their disco crap, didn’t groove on the Kiss Army, but I definitely dug their live material. Saw them live a couple times — they are a great live band — and liked the era with Vinny Vincent (Creatures of the Night is a good album). I thought Gene Simmons was a pretty funny critic next Simon Cowell on American Idol.

At the end of the day, love them or hate them, they are rock icons.

She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me! My wife bought me Darth Tater ($8.99, affiliate, ages 2+) and scored a pretty good deal at Amazon. I told her to let me know when these good deals come along so I can share them somewhere. 9 bones for Darth Tater, evil ruler of the Potato Head farm? Are you kidding me?! I’m so there.

Darth Tater doesn’t come with much in the way of accessories beyond what is shown in the picture above, so you’ll probably want to pick up something like the Mr. Potato Head silly 40-pieces suitcase ($16.99, affiliate).

Running low on candy tonight? Want to scare the hell out of people? Play this on LOW VOLUME near your door in a continuous loop. Time for some custom evil laugh tracks created in a cold, damp dungeon. A trick of the mind in audio …

Stretch that candy a mile as they will be running away in droves!

DISCLAIMER: None of the computer altered voice talent below that follows resonant from real, evil people, this is purely for Halloweenish fun, but know that their laughs have been put through a tortuous evil filtering process. The pure have been tainted! Whatever you do, don’t crank the volume up on this or you may blow your speakers completely out — YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED — and don’t listen to these tracks in the dark yourself … no way. Do. Not. Do. It.

And first the raw material (still mixed somewhat):

- Todd from Geek News Central [5.2 mb WAV] can’t get podcasting out of his laugh. If you ever thought his normal laugh was eccentric, wait until you hear this twisted take.
- Dim the lights and crank up Warner Crocker’s scary laugh [2.7 mb WAV] … if you dare
- Scoble makes fun of his laugh, but see how it rates on the scare scale. Oh, and yes there is some backmasking. [2.5 mb WAV]
- Bill Gates [2.3 mb WAV] shrill laugh remixed and talking email, blogs, security … don’t have a full bladder when you listen to this one. And on the trick mix version you can hear what Microsoft’s chief architect might sound like aboard the Borg cube.

WARNING: EXTREME audio perceptive experience ahead! TURN YOUR VOLUME LOW!
A horrifying mix of all the above and more from the demented madman Gray V. Robber. This contains all sorts of speaker melting sound effects SO KEEP THE VOLUME LOW on the first few listens and gradually increase as you get used to it. If you play this around your house with fog running, strobe lights and darkness you will scare the hell out of people. You’ve been warned, mortals!

Helloween Trick Mix ‘05
[Running Time: 9:21 4.3 mb 64k MP3]
WARNING!

All these clips are being released with a Creepy Commons v666.0 License, meaning they’re totally free to borrow, burn, beg, mix, rip, mutilate and/or steal for podcasts, target practice, public shamecast, conventions, for sale and whatever else any twisted minds can conceive. If you use any of this source material you might want to link to the unofficial Creepy Commons v666.0 License at:

http://www.makeyougohmm.com/creepycommons666/

Which just redirects here for now. Get these why they are HOT, they may not be here long …

The Creepy Commons v666.0 License treats the creator of work like worm food, so you might as well too!

Happy Halloween!

At midnight server time last night, Hmm turned scary, hairy orange. For those terrified by the color scheme, don’t fret, it’s merely a one day illusion.

For those reading this in their RSS aggregator then they are missing on all the holiday frights and frills (boo hiss!). Today, every post will have some trick or treatish wording/slant/content. Next to Christmas, Halloween is my 2nd favorite holiday of the year.

Why? Why! Why arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Because it reminds us all how human we are and that some of us actually enjoy being scared. It’s a very real time.

(insert creepy Halloween music)

Something I never thought we’d own was a fog machine, but what Halloween-inspired consumer could resist? I checked online for fog machines via Amazon (affiliate) and there are lots of even fancier ones, but no time to order online for tonight, just hit your local Walmart and be one of the most ghoulish spot in the neighborhood for the kids to trick or treat at tonight. Don’t forget to buy enough candy for the candy-seeking squirrels.

Fire up the badboy.

Our kids enjoyed pressing the button to totally fog up the room. This will be great for trick and treaters tonight … open the door, creepy music playing in the background, evil cackling, muhahahahahaha!

Happy Halloween readers

I’m into the whole fortune telling scene. My wife bought me Madam Mortuus The Misfortunate Teller from Amazon. I did some checking and this thing is a real bargain at $14.98 as of this writing. Opening the package it comes with the following items:

- Fortune teller unit with a skull slot machine like handle. You ask it a question and then pull down the lever to receive your fortune in the window.
- A tiny Dark Carnival rolled up mini-poster, basically worthless.
- a piece of paper encouraging you to join clubmez.com for a lifetime membership fee of $40 which includes access to a top secret area where you can use your decoder ring to access exclusive member news and photos and free UPS ground shipping on all orders and more

Ok, enough of the review stuff, it was time to test Madam Mortuus misfortune telling talents by asking 10 questions:

1. Will Google be able to control the splog problem with blogspot?
Stare at this ball and catch a glance to see that you don’t have a chance

2. Will I be able to successfully purchase an Xbox 360 on launch day?
Stare at this ball and catch a glance to see that you don’t have a chance

3. Should I join this clubmez.com and does it rock?
Stare at this ball and catch a glance to see that you don’t have a chance

4. Is Skype doomed now that eBay has bought them?
Stare at this ball and catch a glance to see that you don’t have a chance

5. Will more Tablet PCs be sold in 2006 than were sold in 2005?
Ghosts and spirits are clouding my vision try again later and I’ll give you my decision

Watch the video here with these misfortunes being told!

6. Is Tablet Guy cooler than Channel 9 Guy?
Ghosts and spirits are clouding my vision try again later and I’ll give you my decision

7. Is Google a threat to life as we know it?
The question you inquire is a simple one to predict, the answer is yes, so stop pulling on my stick

8. Will Seattle Mind be a great networking and brainstorming event?
The question you inquire is a simple one to predict, the answer is yes, so stop pulling on my stick

9. Will Windows Vista be better than the hype?
Your question asked, my prediction made, the outcome will be favorable for your soul in trade

10. Are you just a piece of crap toy that gives random answers?
Your question asked, my prediction made, the outcome will be favorable for your soul in trade

Ahh, misfortune science at work!

Warning: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY - the following post is highly sensitive, confidential and privileged information. An NDA (Non-Disagreement Agreement is required) .

Lora asks:

So, TDavid, you’re one of the first people to get a Tablet Guy. What do you think about it?

Please note Lora’s curious and potentially disturbing use of the word “it” instead of “him.” Was this just an accident or was there deeper meaning? Does Tablet Guy really exist or is he just foam without heart and soul?

Lora and Robert Scoble introduced me to these deeply mysterious Guys: the Tablet Guy and Channel 9 Guy. Scoble was only at the meeting in spirit, though, because he was tied up with other earthly dealings, but one of my discoveries was that Scoble sends secret messages through Channel 9 Guy’s headphone.

Shhhh, don’t tell him these messages were intercepted.

Without this Mission Impossible style introduction, I may have only been able to wonder what those Guys were really like. I would have written sooner about these guys but the last couple days we were hanging out so I could learn their backgrounds and form the full technical details documented below.

Since others are curious about the technical details behind these Guys I thought I’d try and help separate the fact from fiction.

Somebody get Carly Simon, because they’re so vain, those Guys, they probably think this post is about them. They’re so vain!

Tablet Guy
Height: 3.25 inches
Head Width: 2 inches
Instrument of choice: 3 1/2 inch purple pen of doom

The problem is Tablet Guy, not unlike other men, lies about the size of his pen. A tape measure was brought in to document the truth.

What would he do with an extra inch of the purple pen of doom? Do we dare ask?

And then there is that other Guy who deals the a/s/l chatroom speak like an expertly placed dagger:

Channel 9 Guy
Height: 4 inches
Head Width: 1.5 inches
Instrument of choice: Nine Block Stomp and incessant IM/VoIP chatter

Does this guy ever do anything but IM/VoIP inking and chatting? The rumours surrounding his infamous Nine Block Stomp are legendary but like Big Foot and Loch Ness there are no confirmed sightings. Hmm sources indicate programmers have been feverishly working on a program that will intercept these IM messages and syndicate them to the web. When the system is perfected — or more likely when it is released as beta — the rest of the web will be made aware of these covert and foam-riddled conversations. Is it world domination? What are they th-inking?

We must know the truth. We will. Stay tuned.

Wow, this makes me groggy and messes with my mind (thanks Chris Pirillo, you seem to find some of the most fascinating things online): Flash Hypnosis. Don’t watch this while doing anything important or while operating heavy machinery!

New study shows that fellatio may reduce the risk of breast cancer Women who perform the act of fellatio on a regular basis, one to two times a week, may reduce their risk of breast cancer by up to 40 percent, a North Carolina State University study found. Hmm … (parody article has since been removed because many believed it was authentic)