Over the Memorial Day weekend, we caught Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull, which took in over $150 million. The 3pm and 3:30pm showings were sold out and I’m fairly certain the 4pm where we got tickets at 2:40pm was sold out by showtime.

Theater atmosphere was crowded but unceremoniously quiet. One person clapped at the end of Crystal Skull and throughout the flick there were no cheers and only a scattered few chuckles.

The crowd seemed exhausted.

My bottom hurt in the seat which I had to keep switching to get comfortable. The popcorn even tasted old. This sums up the experience which was the opposite from Iron Man (go see that one, if you can, it’s great), which we saw a few weeks back.

Crystal Skull wasn’t terrible, I mean come on, it’s Indiana Jones, but when compared to Temple of Doom, the weakest movie in the franchise to date, it measured up too few times to matter.

The plodding plot
The plot takes place in 1957 and Indy (Harrison Ford) is sporting gray. It’s not long before the KGB is up to no good and thrusting him into a warehouse in Nevada in search of a crate of great value at gunpoint. He’ll escape, of course, but in a more lethargic way than the past. You’ll wonder at times during the fight scenes if Indy is mired in quicksand (and unsurprisingly, there is a quicksand scene later!).

Following a totally unbelievable escape from danger (lead-lined?! BS), Indy is met by a biker with a switchblade fetish in a coffee shop. I couldn’t decide if this was suppose to be the passing of the torch from old to young, but Shia LaBeouf is no young Harrison Ford. I found LaBeouf whiny, unpolished and forcing the overplayed action too much. No thanks if the series continues without Harrison Ford. Spielberg has already said there is no Indiana Jones without Ford, but I’m not buying it. I think Indiana Jones will turn out like James Bond and the franchise will continue well beyond Spielberg’s and my death.

I’ll try and stop with the plot description there. Trust me, you’ll start yawning too if I go much further.

Spielberg and company should have kept the science fiction out of Indiana Jones. The Nazi backdrop worked better than the Crystal Skull using the late 50s. The ending left me shaking my head, not cheering. While exiting the theater a guy in front of me was griping about the science fiction elements too. His friend replied: “hey, it’s Indiana Jones, you expected realism?” If you’ve read the Tommyknockers by Stephen King, or heck many of Spielberg’s past sci-fi flicks, key parts of Crystal Skull feel way too familiar.

Cliche.

That is arguably Crystal Skull’s greatest flaw: the story feeds off other stories we’ve seen before — not in an Indy film, no — but stories that no longer fascinate the way they did the first few times around. We paid $19 for two tickets and $19 for lousy popcorn and soda. There were a few bright spots in Crystal Skull, particularly the romantic interplay and paying some respect to past Indy’s, but it all begged for a power nap. I’d recommend waiting for Blu-ray/DVD. It’s better than the average blockbuster and will make plenty of money, but it’s not the Indy film we’ve been waiting all this time see.

I would have liked the eye candy better in 3D on IMAX, if that is an option, go for it. Worst of the four Indy flicks to date, but still somewhat respectable. It isn’t the abortion that Lucas did with Phantom Menance, and is more in line with Revenge of the Sith vs. the first three Star Wars films. I’m left wondering if the Spielberg + Lucas magic is gone? Hope not. Grade: C+

Did this post make you go hmm?

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