Reading through Glenn’s list of 12 marital advice suggestions for his sister that were delivered during a wedding ceremony and being reminded that later this month is our 17th year anniversary I found this list timely. Glenn, who has been married a little more than two years offered this advice to others:

1. Marriage is not the end of the search, it’s the beginning of all the searches that are more fun to do together.
2. Be the guardians of each other’s solitudes.
3. No difficult conversations after 10pm.
4. You’ll have your preferences and strengths and habits, but if one of you goes down, the other one has to be able to cover.
5. Wedding rings don’t really come with magic powers.
6. Headphones; separate closets.
7. It is thus your responsibility to be not only the world’s biggest fans of each other’s best qualities, but also the world’s staunchest fans of each other’s weaknesses and flaws.
8. Get pets.
9. No ultimatums. Ever.
10. Travel.
11. (paraphrase) Balance maturity of marriage with being immature, irresponsible and playful together as often as possible.
12. When people, especially your relatives, offer you long lists of marriage advice, just smile politely and nod until they finally shut up.

To fit nicely with #12, Glenn was careful to note:

These probably aren’t the most useful twelve pieces of advice, but I think they’re better than nothing.

A few thoughts I’d like to add to Glenn’s list above:

#5 - My wife hasn’t worn her wedding ring for years. How many years, I can’t count. My ring is pictured above. Jewelery isn’t important to either of us. She was more excited about her SPOT watch than the necessity of wearing a ring on her finger. Maybe this anniversary we’ll go get sized for rings again. It’s not been a huge priority.

#6 - Also separate computers. Do not try and share one computer with your spouse. It. Does. Not. Work.

#8 - I’d love to get a dog but my wife isn’t a huge pet lover. Marriage, and any serious relationship will require concessions. You aren’t going to get everything you want and neither will your spouse. The important part is picking and choosing what concessions you are comfortable making.

Additional marital advice
Like Glenn, the following tips probably aren’t the best, but I do have something Glenn doesn’t have: 15 years more experience, so here we go:

Don’t start the marriage in debt. I think the most important thing for people about to be married is not to start off with money problems. A big wedding that you have to pay for and cannot afford is one of the biggest mistakes we’ve seen newlyweds make. We went to the local Justice of the Peace, met my uncle and grandparents at the courthouse as witnesses and then went on a $100 USD honeymoon. We have been planning on a 20 or 25 year renewing the vows. Possibly the Star Trek wedding in Las Vegas. We can afford something nice now.
Become best friends. Most people who get married aren’t yet best friends. In our case, we weren’t yet, but we’ve certainly become that over time. We both enjoy spending time doing the same types of activities and going the same places. I think it’s death for a relationship when there’s nothing in common, especially for fun. If you can’t at least try to do some things that your best friend enjoys the relationship is in trouble. My best friend, bar none, is my wife.
Build and maintain a solid family. Having kids has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. While our boys, all teenagers now, are challenging at times to raise, they are our world. It’s important for kids to have a strong family structure. I’m saddened by the number of broken families and kids living without a strong family structure. If you can’t have kids together, there is always adoption. Plenty of children out there looking for good, stable homes.
Divorce as a last resort. Once you decide to have kids, I believe one needs to consider divorce as a last possible option, especially when the kids are still at home and developing into who they will become when they grow up. I don’t think people should stay in terrible relationships only for the children, but divorce should almost always be a last option. With some divorces my wife and I have learned about over the years it seems like it was the first option rather than trying counseling or other types of intervention and the impact on the children wasn’t fully realized. If you aren’t best friends in the relationship yet and it seems rocky as to if you will ever be, don’t have children, use protection.
Maintain an active sex life. While this is probably a better topic for the forthcoming nakedyougohmm.com, I’ll suffice by saying: continue to experiment and try out new things. Share openly your fantasies with each other. Sex is good for your health too, so it’s important on a number of levels. While you might not be newlywed bunnies forever in reality, you can still try to be in spirit.
Hand holding, kissing, touching. Yeah, all these things that embarass the kids but are important physical components in relationship. Step outside and watch the moon and stars together or walk hand in hand places, hold hands during car rides, rub your partner’s shoulders after a long work day. Don’t forget to stay in touch literally.
Surprise gifts. My wife is much better than me about gifts on expected holidays, but I believe strongly in the importance of unexpected gifts. Keep the element of surprise alive.

I’ll stop here and let others chime in below. I’m sure some readers have been married longer than we have. Like anything else in life, individual experiences may vary and I’m curious what tips, tricks, values and sage advice have kept you married? Or in the case of divorce, what may have caused or did cause a breakup that couldn’t be resolved?

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