Warning: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY - the following post is highly sensitive, confidential and privileged information. An NDA (Non-Disagreement Agreement is required) .

Lora asks:

So, TDavid, you’re one of the first people to get a Tablet Guy. What do you think about it?

Please note Lora’s curious and potentially disturbing use of the word “it” instead of “him.” Was this just an accident or was there deeper meaning? Does Tablet Guy really exist or is he just foam without heart and soul?

Lora and Robert Scoble introduced me to these deeply mysterious Guys: the Tablet Guy and Channel 9 Guy. Scoble was only at the meeting in spirit, though, because he was tied up with other earthly dealings, but one of my discoveries was that Scoble sends secret messages through Channel 9 Guy’s headphone.

Shhhh, don’t tell him these messages were intercepted.

Without this Mission Impossible style introduction, I may have only been able to wonder what those Guys were really like. I would have written sooner about these guys but the last couple days we were hanging out so I could learn their backgrounds and form the full technical details documented below.

Since others are curious about the technical details behind these Guys I thought I’d try and help separate the fact from fiction.

Somebody get Carly Simon, because they’re so vain, those Guys, they probably think this post is about them. They’re so vain!

Tablet Guy
Height: 3.25 inches
Head Width: 2 inches
Instrument of choice: 3 1/2 inch purple pen of doom

The problem is Tablet Guy, not unlike other men, lies about the size of his pen. A tape measure was brought in to document the truth.

What would he do with an extra inch of the purple pen of doom? Do we dare ask?

And then there is that other Guy who deals the a/s/l chatroom speak like an expertly placed dagger:

Channel 9 Guy
Height: 4 inches
Head Width: 1.5 inches
Instrument of choice: Nine Block Stomp and incessant IM/VoIP chatter

Does this guy ever do anything but IM/VoIP inking and chatting? The rumours surrounding his infamous Nine Block Stomp are legendary but like Big Foot and Loch Ness there are no confirmed sightings. Hmm sources indicate programmers have been feverishly working on a program that will intercept these IM messages and syndicate them to the web. When the system is perfected — or more likely when it is released as beta — the rest of the web will be made aware of these covert and foam-riddled conversations. Is it world domination? What are they th-inking?

We must know the truth. We will. Stay tuned.

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